An update on an old poem, with apologies to W. H. Auden.

(To JS/07/M/378 In place of a marble mounument, this data is warehoused at the
Business Roundtable and at NEA Headquarters)

She was found by the U. S. Department of Education to be

One against whom there was no official debit side,

And all the reports on her conduct agree

That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, she was highly qualified,

For in everything she did she obeyed Standardisto decrees.

Except for maternity leave, till the day she retired

She worked in a classroom and in dissent never was mired,

But satisfied the State and the literacy coach

In following script she was above reproach.

She wasn't a complainer, not odd in her views,

And her Union reports that she paid her dues,

(Our report on her Union shows it was sound

It advocated NCLB reform, and did not revolt expound.)

She cared for children and offered no danger to the power elite.

The State is pleased she offered phonemic segmentation fluency each day

And that her responses to directives were obedient in every way.

Both Republicans and Democrats assert it:

She was fully sensible to the advantages of the Standardisto gas

She had everything necessary for a Global Economy class,

A script, a timer, and a bag for collecting vomit.

Bill Gates and Eli Broad are content

That she held the proper opinions for the corporate-politico crowd

When there were DIBELS, she DIBLED; she offered no dissent.

Her students scored a proficiency

Which our experts say was a sufficiency.

Was she free? Was she happy? Don’t cause a fuss.

Had anything been wrong, her union certainly would’ve told us.